The Edge of the Abyss

The Edge of the Abyss
Depression is not a sign of weakness

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

AN OPEN LETTER TO CTHULHU


Dear Cthulhu:

Greetings, Great Old One! Hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time, but I sort of felt like this couldn’t wait. You see, I have a concern I’m hoping you can address.

Some of us pathetic creatures to whom you are malignantly indifferent, i.e. human beings, get around in wheeled contraptions. Most of the time, we manage fine, despite the roadblocks – broken sidewalks, lack of curb ramps, out-of-service elevators -- thrown our way. In fact, if the built environment was a bit more inclusive, wheeling around wouldn’t be such a big deal. So you can rest easy; I’m not asking you to place your prodigious claws on me and heal me like some sweaty tent evangelist in a bad toupee.

No, I’m writing to you for a very different reason. After years of research, including countless hours spent in musty-smelling antiquarian book shops, I discovered an ancient jungle temple dedicated exclusively to you. Imagine my jubilation when I discovered a place here on lowly Earth where I might feel a connection to you. Why, the world around me became tinted with a colour out of space!

I put my life on hold, dedicating my every thought, my every ounce of energy to reaching that holy place. I made the month-long journey to the temple on the back of a flatulent donkey, guided by little more than a map in Esperanto and a Garmin watch.

I shall never forget the day I caught sight of that temple’s Cyclopean walls, eerily hidden in an eldritch shadow out of time. Why, I cried out to Yog-Sothoth with joy! I reached inside my Miskatonic University tote bag and took out my inflatable beard (see attached photo.) But then, imagine my despair when I reached the temple’s entrance.

The dang thing has steps!

After all my time, energy and devotion, I was excluded from entering, unable to gaze at the high altar or sacrifice a goat or even check out the clearance table in the adjoining gift shop! Is there nothing that can be done?

Of course I see the paradox inherent in the situation: you have infinite powers yet total indifference to my plight. Still, I hope that you might pull a few strings and get a ramp installed. It’s not asking much, really. In fact, you’ll even earn yourself a tax credit that’s nothing to sneeze at.

Until then, I shall wait in my jungle lean-to, the donkey and swarms of unspeakably huge bugs my only companions.

Yours truly,

A humble daughter of Dagon

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